• Amira

Goodbye, a short story

Updated: Oct 30, 2018

Short story by me

I don't know why.

I don't know why he never loved her.

But he just didn't.

She knew that this wasn't love between them, but what she just discovered was that it was never love between them.

Their relationship and whatever form it took, was filled with excuses more than it was anything else true. Turns out she knew deep down all along that they had both used this excuse of a marriage as an escape from their own problems, thinking that if they'd run away from their issues and run into marriage things would automatically disappear and fix themselves.

Little did they both know was that their problems and issues would multiply and the damage would magnify itself into every detail of their world.

She sat there wondering what took her so long to realize that this was a game for fools, and then a flood of answers came rushing in like wave after wave, all making perfect sense. All she could do was sit there, in awe, confusion yet absolute clarity that she was too patient, too naive, too cowardly and yet too good to let this ruin her.

For the first time in a very long time she felt she loved herself too much to let this go on.

She finally realized that this man could not offer her anything she wanted or needed, he never did and he never will. And it didn't matter whose fault it was, it didn't matter why or how, because it would never make sense, or it would actually make too much sense and then she'd feel even worse about it all. They had both made their own mistakes because no human is free of sin or fault but some things cannot be overlooked and some faults lead to bigger sins.

At this point in time she couldn't break down and cry because she'd run out of tears and no actual pain could be felt because that had gone numb too, it was just a matter of when and how fast she can get out of this sad, sad world.

And then at that very moment inside her thoughts, a very speedy highlight reel of the painful moments he had put her through reflected itself.

"Didn't we have any good times or times of true love over this past decade?" she asked herself.

She was quick to respond to herself that yes there were good times, maybe even love, but not the kind of love she needed or deserved, in fact a lot of the time it felt like brotherly love. And that bruised her even more. Yes, her feelings were now smashed into pieces that would never be fully recollected and placed back on the shelf for proposer usage for anyone who would treat her this way again. She knew that at that very moment she needed to build her heart an armor and trust her instincts from now on because her life ultimately depended on it.

His world was so cold, and she had used every inch of her soul to keep herself warm until she caught fire.

"We will be together again soon" he said.

She sat there in the car looking out the window, unable to respond, too busy feeling the shedding of her own skin, from old to new. Wonderfully painful it all was for her, she was being reborn, right then and there.

His phone rings, he talks to one of his pals and they make plans to meet after she catches her flight, she always was a guest in his world and maybe that's the best thing that happened to her in that relationship. Never got too close, never had any sort of actual intimacy, nor honesty or open communication no matter how hard she tried to talk and connect. That door was always closed and she was told she sounded like "a broken record" every time she expressed her pain to him.

If he had bothered to look at her for one second, to actually "see" her, he'd have known that this was the moment he had lost her forever, in the car, on the way to the airport.

Empty words that meant nothing kept coming out his mouth, and all she could do was count the seconds to get out of that car, and get on the plane he kept sending her on and not have to feel this way ever again. For every time she had ran to him for shelter and safety she was left out in the cold.

How stupid she was to be so afraid of being alone or "single" and starting life from scratch in a way. But little did she know was that she was already alone, already "single". If anything actually, she was bleeding to death unable to love or be loved.

But here's what hurt the most, that this was all her fault and poor reasoning. She was lame, weak and a coward. For every time it was time to fight, she questioned her instincts and doubted herself, never questioning him or anybody else. She was always so hard on herself because she just couldn't understand that love had to come from her own self first, in order to receive it and to give it.

The car stops, and he gets out to get her luggage from the trunk. How completely unaware he is of the damage done and the person she had become. He looked at her and gave her a hug coated with his icy words "I will miss you." She smiled, picked up her luggage and walked away slowly and casually.

He was right about one thing, he would miss her, not the real her of course because he never knew her, even she did not yet know herself. But he would miss her nonetheless because despite her flaws, she'd given him years of her life praying for some attention and love when all she got in return was, nothing.

"Call me when you arrive" he said as he waved goodbye, but she had already promised herself that if she had to board that plane one more time on her own she would be saying goodbye, goodbye forever.

And so it was, fly away and wave, never more, never more.

The End-

Amira Shohdi


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