• Amira

Lost myself

Updated: Oct 27, 2019

Photo of me taken by Henar Sherif & Adel Essam

There's a sense of pain that only loss can summon.

Like coldplay once said, "tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."

There are things you lose that you don't know how much you'll miss until you do truly realise they're gone. These losses can be people, they can be feelings, moments, memories or even dreams and most of all, ourselves

Yes tears stream down my face when I know I have lost all of these things that I may never replace.

I know it helps me appreciate all that I have now because they too will fade at some point. But that does equally terrify me, and I'm left here, hanging on for dear life, living the now, learning from the past and scared of the future and all of its terrifyingly beautiful fleeting moments.

My God, we change so much. I sometimes look back on who I was and the things I wanted to achieve and it's almost like I was a completely different person. I was my own flesh and blood and the sparkle in my eye was not what it is now.

I shed skin.

I shed skin.

I keep trying, you keep trying, we keep bleeding and we keep dying.

There in the clouds, we stare up high and we think about what could be, we want to fix the universe by fixing ourselves but how naive we remain, for change and fixing are two completely different things.

Change can happen when something is not yet completely fixed. It just adapts, it evolves, it wears an armor, it shines a little brighter because all these cracks have let the light in.

These cracks, mended pain, vivid scars, tears of sorrow and love. Where the path goes you will follow.

There may not be a tomorrow but you worry anyway about it and you try to live today to the fullest; if you are wise enough.

The medicine; we all need the medicine. The healers, the peacemakers, the lovers, the friends, the prayers, the wine, the good times, the messages, the bleeders, the defenders, the honest, the humble, the beautiful in their hearts, those I speak of are the medicine that the world cannot spin without. The darkness would consume our little hearts if the good were all to give up.

We must never give up.

- Amira Shohdi

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